Obligatory 2013 Post

Before I begin, I just want to say that I wrote this post on December 20th, so.... yeah, pardon my tardiness, haha.

I could have sworn I made a birthday blog when I turned 23 last year, because I remember taking pictures and posting them. I'm thinking that maybe I wasn't able to post it, and it was just left in the drafts somewhere... That would be a bummer if that was the case. I want to believe that I'll be able to make one last  post for the year after this one, but who am I kidding, my December's been really hectic this year. So just to be sure, I'll just make this a general December 2013 post slash 2013 realizations. Here it is folks...

24

I feel like 24 is such a grown up lady age, and I don't even know if I'm playing the role correctly, haha. truth is, I haven't even gotten used to being 23 (there was a time I filled out a form, and wrote 22 as my age), and now I'm another year older. I'm two years behind! But oh well, let's see how 24 goes. I noticed a bunch of people stopped putting the year of their birth on Facebook. I don't know if it's a way to mask their age, but I decided to just keep mine there... Let people know I was born in 1989, and let them compute and know how old I am. Why should I be ashamed anyway. I mean, if at my 20's I'm already shy about my age, what more when I'm in my 40's right? So I say, the heck with it. I'm 24 folks, I am twenty-four.

Some birthday thoughts

When it was nearing my birthday, I really didn't feel like I was about to have one. I mean, it's not like I was going to have a big party that day or anything, neither was I expecting people to treat me special, but I guess there were just a lot of things going in my head, but when it started sinking in, I gave myself that obligatory birthday look back (whuuut?). You know, where you just think about how you spent your life as a 23 year old, and see if it was a good year. I guess everyone who turn a year older take the time to ponder on these things. Did I spend it well? I think about people near my age who have already accomplished so much, like James Harden being in the NBA, or Jennifer Lawrence winning an Oscar... Did I make the most of it? Here are some of my thoughts regarding that... (yess, more subheadings).

1. 23 year old Jess spent most of her life being a UP student, which was pretty okay. I didn't think I could do so well, or so much better in school. It's more challenging now, so.... I should just work harder.
2. A second take at puberty. I don't know if this is UP's doing, but my clothes started to fit better, and I started feeling better when I turned 23. Seriously, it's like I got a second shot at puberty. I haven't really had a consistent workout, but people would tell me that I've lost weight. As much as I want to say that I've been working so hard for it, the most honest reply I could give them was "turning 23, and having a second and better take at puberty", hahaha. I'm a late bloomer anyway.
3. I told myself that I'd be more conscious with what I wear. In a sense that when I look at myself in the mirror, and don't like what I see, I either not wear that particular piece of clothing, and change into something I'm more confident with, or just do whatever I can to look better and feel better. Why why why? Because I realized that if I'm not happy with myself, I'll be affecting the way I treat the people around me that day. So it's not really just about vanity, but it's feeling good about yourself, so you can treat the people around you better.
4.  I've also been more aware to the things I say yes to, or commit to. So I've been more careful with what I get into. I've told myself that if I cannot give my hundred percent in that area, then I should not get into it. There's really nothing new about that thought, but I've just been more aware of applying that in my life.
5. Cherish friendships and relationships. I've started accepting that I can't be friends with everyone, and that I shouldn't feel bad about that. There are just some people I get along more, and are easier to be with, so I do my best to cherish them.

I'm going to stop at 5, because as you can see, they're pretty basic stuff. My friend Jops and I were talking about growing up, and how we realized that there's really no manual in being an adult. Your parents and other grown ups may give you very helpful advice, but most of the stuff are things you learn along that way. So yeah... I'm at that learning curve folks, and I may take a while.

Goodbyes

I realized that since I turned 20, I've had to say goodbye to something or someone every year. In 2010, I've had to say goodbye to my mum, which was one of the most painful goodbyes ever, and is still very painful. Of course hers isn't a lasting goodbye, but it may take a while for me to see her again (who knows how long I'll be here anyway). In 2011, I've had to bid Mang Roger goodbye, as we no longer needed a driver. I remember crying that day, and refusing to let him see me cry. Mang Roger has been there since I was in gradeschool, so we've known each other for a while. But the truth is, we no longer need his service, so that was that. In 2012, I've had to say goodbye to UA&P, which was expected... But in 2013, my family and I have had to deal with two unexpected goodbyes. First was to Ate Rhoda, as her family needed her back in the province. So our family had to adjust to not having a stay-in helper, which turned out really well. We got Aling Vicky who comes in 4 times a week, and she does a really good job at cleaning the house, and making good meals. Second was a rather recent one, and brings me to tears every time. This year, I've had to say goodbye to Sprinkles, my dog of almost 14 years, and that has been difficult. So I don't know if it's a 20's thing... Or a part of being a young adult, to have to constantly say goodbye to a part of your childhood every year... But that's been a recurring theme. Nobody gave me a heads up about that.

It was never about me

But when I think about the whole thing, and how it's been. It was never about me in the first place. Today's mum's birthday, and we shall be doing our annual birthday dinner in remembrance of her. This year I realized, that this whole thing with God taking my mother home "early" had nothing to do with me in the first place. I've been wanting to find a reason or an answer as to why He allowed her to pass away. People have tried to comfort me by telling me that God has a plan in my life and blah blah blah, but that did not really help...But after much thought and prayer, God made me realized that this whole thing had nothing to do with me. Sure, my family and I are affected, and we may choose to embrace this situation as a way for us to minister and reach out to other people, and give God the glory... But that wasn't His main purpose. He doesn't need to us to do anything for Him in the first place...Instead, I realized that it was just simply my mother's time to go Home. God just wanted her Home with Him. It doesn't answer all my questions, nor does it remove the grief, but it makes things a whole lot more bearable. It's always been so simple, it was just me who was making it complicated.

So that's about it. If I go any further, I may just cry. We've got a lot of stuff coming next year, but I'm ready... I think I am. So what's the motto for being 24? I'm 24, and I'm ready for more, nyahaha...

Cheers!