Facing my What If's, and Turning Silver

Happy silver to me... Here comes  the quarter life crisis... Here comes the self-assessment...

"24 and ready for more" was what I said last time.

I didn’t really make any concrete plans as to how I was going to go about that line, but I can say that this year, I’ve been braver. I don’t want to sound like I’ve got all the wisdom in the world, but I guess you just get to an age where you just want to confront the situation, instead of second guessing all the time. I realized that one of the things I’m afraid of is constantly living in the “what if” of things, and not doing anything about it.

One of Kuya and Yang's gift for me during my birthday.

And I realized that a lot of my "what if’s" were doable... “Faceable.”

What if I applied for this or that job?
                So I sent out my resume, and let the employers decide if they wanted me or not. Surprisingly, I’ve had good feedbacks and offers. But since I couldn’t commit to being a full time employee, because I was still studying, I had to turn down a few jobs. But it felt great knowing that... And it seems, based on their reactions... That I’m wanted, because they noticed that I was pursuing an MA degree. So once again, my decision in getting into grad school has been affirmed. At the moment, I do some freelance writing, part time tutoring with Tutoring Club, and private tutoring on the side.  And I would not have gotten into those jobs if I did not inquire, or met up with the people involved. Who knew I could find jobs that would be flexible enough for a graduate student?

What if I went scuba diving?
                Totally unplanned' and probably the craziest one I’ve done this year. You may just refer to my post about that on  A First, Down at the Deep Blue Sea. I know I’ve got a long way to go with diving, and I don’t intend on becoming a Master Diver of some sort, but since I’m officially a PADI licensed diver... I guess  that makes things... More legit. Goodness me, I need to review.

What if I just took the time to get to know someone?
                Funny how you can break preconceived notions, see what you’re capable of doing, and discover new interests... If you just take the time to get to know people.

What if I was more honest about how I felt, and directed that honesty towards those people concerned?            

               Okay, to be clear, this isn’t some” Miley Cyrus' only God can judge us”, or “Kim Kardashian's selfies”, or "Taylor Swift’s I’ve got a Blank Space baby and I’ll write your name” (although I do love that song) kind of thing... I’m just talking about, confronting truths, and clearing up misunderstandings. The kind where you do your part, and” ball’s on your court now, buddy” kind of thing...

I’m only going to stick with four for this post. As much as I want to leave you with, “AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT”, or “WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SURPRISE YOU”, all this facing my what if’s has also left me tired, and feeling a bit beaten in some areas, to a point where I am so tempted to be indifferent. But after much thought, and as confusing as this may sound, I really would not have it any other way. As the saying goes, “no RAGRETZZZ.” As tiring or frustrating it may have been, I’m still glad I tried, and went out there and did it. Sure, everything didn’t turn out well, but it wasn’t  all that bad either. All I really want to say is, go take risks. Try try try try... You’ll never know unless you try (so long as it’s not illegal and sinful –just to clarify).   

Maybe I’m naive, or making myself too vulnerable, but I’d rather be involved than be indifferent.  So here’s to another year of understanding adulthood, and making things up along the way. 

I am 25, and I'm ready to dive... Literally and figuratively.

Another gift from Kuya and Yang. But got it a bit dirty.