Dear Dia Alicia...

I finally understand what people mean when they call a baby a bundle of joy. 

I’m not really the type to go crazy when there’s a baby. I’ll talk and mingle with my friend’s babies. But I’m not the type to want to carry one, or even bother to approach one. I don’t hate babies, I just never understood what the fuzz was all about. I mean, it’s just a baby.

So who knew that I’d be like this when Dia Alicia came out.

To my niece, Dia Alicia, 

You won’t be able to understand or read this now, but I write this letter to you, mostly for me to look back at this wonderful milestone that God has allowed me to have at 26.

When your tatay first sent photos of you crying with your eyes closed, I knew right then and there that I was going to love you. Then again, I thought that I was probably exaggerating, because they were just photos.

You know, I don’t really have a very pleasant memory of hospitals. Mostly because that’s where me and your tatay's mom, your Lola Alice, passed away. You’ll hear about her more when you’re older… Anyway, hospitals are no fun for me. The smell, the environment, just don’t connote happy memories. But your arrival reminded me that hospitals are not all that bad, they can also be the bearer of good news.

You were born on March 19, 2016, and your Lolo Audie and I got to see you the day after. My heart sank when I first laid eyes on you. So I guess I can truthfully quote a song from Hamilton and say that…

“When you came into the world, you cried, and it broke my heart.”

I was not in tip top shape during the first few months of 2016. Let’s just say that I was dealing with a number of changes that I wish I had more time to absorb. And I guess, when you’re dealing with many things that overwhelm you all at once, you get too caught up with your own world.

But when I saw you sleeping soundly for the very first time, my world stopped for a brief moment, and it felt like all my hang ups and young adult problems no longer mattered.

I found myself wanting to visit you again, even though you didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. I never thought I would find so much enthusiasm just watching you. 

And now that you’re becoming more responsive, curious, and mobile, I just get all the more excited. I was already excited with you "not doing anything", so imagine my excitement now.

Some friends have asked me if I have now grown a certain fondness for babies...


And with all honesty, I don’t think so. I still don’t find myself wanting to carry other babies, or endlessly gushing over them. It is only with you, Dia that I'm like this (so far), and I think the only possible explanation is simply because you’re my niece.

So Dia, even though you don’t really understand this yet, I truly thank God for you. I never thought that I could love someone this way this much. Your Lolo Audie has a distinct smile whenever he sees you, and that also lights up my heart. 

You are a bundle of joy indeed.

If I ever don’t become a mother (although, that has never exactly been on my checklist), I’m grateful nevertheless, because through you, God has given me a teeny tiny glimpse on what it’s like to be a mom.

Happy first birthday, my niece. You are so loved.

From,

Tita Jess